Is it so much to ask for someone to be honest, to keep a promise, to expect them to treat you with respect? To show the same integrety in their personal life that they show in their professional life? Especially when this someone swears they love you and don't want to be without you?
These are question I have asked myself for over a year now. Honestly, I know the answer and God only knows why I just kept on hanging on, kept hoping and praying. Is it love, infatuation, obsession? Who knows, all I know for sure is it hurts. I spent day after day, night after night miserable and alone. Longing for someone who just cannot manage or doesn't want to manage to find time to fit me into their busy life. I don't blame him, not really, it was my choice to stick it out and hope that one day he would wake up and see what he had. Well, its been a year and a half now and he still doesn't see. Oh he says he loves me, that he wants to be with me, we make plans and he breaks them. He broke every promise he ever made to me, he rarely kept his word. Why did I stay in a "relationship" like that? Who knows. Love...fear...obsession.
It's time to move on, time to go out there and find my place in this world, time to make a life for myself. I never thought I would have to do this without "him", and it hurts more than words can say to finally realize it. I don't know where to start, how to start. I have no idea how to move on, but I know I have to.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
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